I sat on my bed on this fateful Sunday afternoon surrounded by my notes and text books open and decorating my bed. I knew I had a professional exam coming up in less than two months and I had to read yet, I found it very difficult to concentrate.
My mind flashed to how I met this really great guy in a Christian conference in the east some two months ago, I slowly recalled our calls and chats over those two months and my heart ached when I remembered the most recent occurrence between us that took place some days ago. It melted when I remembered him say he felt things were moving too fast between us and he needed to pull back. In as much as I totally agreed with him, it seemed to me that I was the only one hurting. I mean he didn’t even sound like it was a painful decision for him because for me it was.
As a result of this, I decided to delete everything that reminded me of him; his pictures (including the ones we took together), our chats on BBM and placed the one on Whatsapp in the archive. It was very difficult but I knew that was the best thing for me to do in order to avoid being heart broken. As I did it, I silently prayed that if he was mine, then I’ll get them all back and even more.
Back to the present, here I am with tears rolling down my cheeks. Its been like forever. I really miss talking and chatting with him and it hurts to think I am the only one feeling this way. I picked my tab to check updates on BBM and there he was again. I saw his picture and my heart skipped. I know he had been super busy and probably preparing for exams but it seems he didn’t even notice that we didn’t speak for over a week.
As I stared at his picture with tears rolling down my face, I kept on asking myself, “How did I get to like you this much in this short time?”. It hurts that I liked him this much and the feeling didn’t seem mutual. Suddenly it hit me like a thunder bolt. I started to wonder ‘if I, being human, feel this way about a person, how much more God who loved the whole world so much so that He sent His only begotten son to die for mankind’. Millions of people are still out there who have rejected His unconditional love. He has tried so hard to reach out to them but with little or no response.
It’s so sweet to be in love with someone who loves you and perhaps even loves you more but how terrible it must be for God to fall in love with a people who have rejected His love. Can you imagine how God feels knowing that he loves us so much, and we don’t love him back? It’s a huge task to love just one, but God loves all of us just the same.
Father I am so grateful for your love, I know I cannot repay You but I’ll spend eternity trying to. I love You so much my First Love.
“I was on Your mind that day when they crucified You
What did You think of me? What did You see?
Did You see my disregard for the pain You suffered?
And if You did, how did You take those scars knowing that I’ll break Your heart?
It only makes sense when I look at it all from the lovers view
You did all for a chance, just one chance that I’ll be with You.
Even though I can never repay You, I’ll dedicate my life to try
For its no longer my own, You purchased me whole when You atoned for my sins.” – Lyrics from ‘Atoned’ by T.Y Bello
By Emmanuela Evbuoma
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